Taste of Dominance: a brief lesson from an active maledom

Taste of Dominance: a brief lesson from an active maledom

Is being a maledom like how it is in the books and TV / Internet?

"Male dominance, or maledom, refers to BDSM activities where the dominant partner is male." - Wikipedia

This idea has been spinning in my mind for years. 3 years ago I briefly dated a maledom not as his submissive though, as he was quite adamant that it would take a lot of emotional training to become one (Sub). I never got to experience his version of being his "Sub". I say his version as porn and movies seem to portray other types of ways to be dominated; usually based in the bedroom or warehouse and I often see that comes across a bit aggressive. 

As you may have seen on my social media recently, I have been exploring more about sexual empowerment and obviously ,with my style of photography, losing inhibitions. I had a little taste of what it was like in an exclusive female-led sensual community where a "feline" can unleash their desires in a safe environment. This exploration into the world of fantasies made me want to find out a bit more. At the moment I want to learn more about male domination/maledoms and the other side to what I have seen.  It has taken me some time to filter through the various types of maledoms but I came across "him" in my travels. Let's call him, Sir X.  Read on as he shares a little bit of the realities of being a maledom in the BDSM world.

Yemi King

What is a Dom?

I feel there can be many types of Dom, all performed by one individual. It depends on mood for me and whom I’m interacting with. On a daily work basis I’m a Dom at my place of work where I’m managing my staff.  With women present I feel I’m a Dom as a gentleman, opening doors, helping a lady to put a coat on etc. Then the bedroom Dom, controlling but respectful to women. 

For me it’s a ‘need’ also a privilege I feel I was born with. 

What is the difference between the role as a man / woman?

A mans role is hunter gatherer, a woman’s a mother and carer. 

What is your opinion about how people who are not in the fetish world portray the “dom” role/ i.e.. 50 shades, Porn hub?

I do laugh at the comments from Vanilla people I know meet whom know what I am. The women want to know more and obviously just think about the ‘50 shades’ thing. I feel you either have it as a ‘need’ an unexplainable need or you don’t fully get it. 

Men generally don’t get or understand the whole concept. Most my friends think I get spanked etc.

What are the misconceptions, what are the realities?

Misconceptions, people thinks it’s violent and degrading to the women/sub. Reality, it’s a deeper understanding of sex and love in a strong relationship. 

Why did you become a dom? 

I’ve never felt as I’ve become a Dom. It’s always been me and a need to express in sexual way. Although without the internet and info it took me a long time to fully understand that I am a Dom. I do feel I’m always evolving and learning about my Dominant role in life.

Why did you become a Dom? 

I’ve never felt as I’ve become a Dom. It’s always been me and a need to express in sexual way. Although without the internet and info it took me a long time to fully understand that I am a Dom. I do feel I’m always evolving and learning about my Dominant role in life. 

Explain to a “vanilla” person what you do?

I feel that is an impossible task to explain via a simple written sentence or sentences. Face to face I could explain as you need that eye contact, touch and speech to explain properly. Even then play would be the full explanation. 

-Yes Sir 😉

How does it make you feel?

It makes me feel confident and powerful. On a daily basis and in the bedroom.

How does it make her feel?

Again another tough one. She would say things like ‘it makes me feel special’. Makes her feel like a proper woman maybe because of the way she’s being treated. It’s all about the subs enjoyment and experience for me. Being Dominated in a respectful way turns her on and helps her to relax as a women. It’s the trust thing again, if your sub fully trusts you she will submit fully and can relax knowing she’s completely safe. 

Have you ever been a Sub?

I have never switched in adult life. As a child I have been a sub though yes. 

Are you on Fetlife? What is it like?

I am on Fetlife , have been for many years. 

As a male and a Dom I find it very helpful. It was how I found my original mentor. It’s great for networking, also finding local events.

As my sub is also on Fetlife I can understand the female approach of using it and the problems there can be. It seems lots of guys whom are not Dom’s and have no intention of being so use the site message service to hit on women for sex. The site does seem very secure though and has good privacy tools for pics etc. I feel if your into the BDSM, Fetish scene or even Vanilla and curious then Fetlife is a must. 

Have you met people on sites only? As a male dom, how would a female Submissive find you? Do you choose her or does she choose you?

I personally have meet lots of subs through Fetlife. My first 3 long term subs where all befriended through the site. All were messaged by me as the Dom. I have had a few messages and friend requests from subs without first contact though. To which I’d reply that I should be asked to give permission first. I just feel the Dom should ask when/if the time is right. 

Have you had a long term relationship with one Submissive? What are the pros and cons? Tell me a typical day/night in a long term relationship?

My wife of 24 yrs is now my long term collared sub. Although this has only been for about 4 yrs. Before this period I had a long term sub for a couple of years. It’s very hard I find to have a long term partner as a sub because of the day to day Vanilla life. Jobs, children, bills etc. Other subs have mainly been a daily contact through mobile, tasks set, punishments given etc. Then regular meets in hotels or days out. I certainly enjoy that kinda D/s relationship personally, it’s kept fresh and exciting and the Vanilla stuff doesn’t get in the way. For me personally I don’t see this as cheating on my wife just a ‘Need’ that I can’t get through her. I’m sure most women will see that as wrong though.

Tell me about the activities during role play?

I like to build up the scenario through the day when in role play. Via message or over the phone. Get both party’s to a stage where they just want to rip each other’s clothes of when they meet up later. Maybe a meeting in a country pub and a walk in the woods.

Have you fallen in love with a Sub? Has she fallen for you? How does it effect the situation mentally/emotionally?

Yes I have fallen in love with one of my subs. It’s a very tricky situation and obviously depends on the other party. If you both fall for each other then I’m sure if as me being married it can cause some massive decisions to be made. 

It is very hard to have that closeness and trust which the D/s relationship requires with falling for someone. As I’ve answered previously, to have your partner as a sub is safest as you already love each other and have that trust. It’s just living a mainly Vanilla life together makes the D/s side of the relationship hard.

What are some tips for a first time Dom/Sub “vanilla” couple?

Tips, I’d say find out as much info as possible. You have to be completely open to each other also. Hid nothing, tell all. If you have a Kink, Fetish or BDSM fantasy then tell your Dom/sub. Then let them go away and absorb and understand your personal needs in your role. 

Put down some ground rules, do’s, don’t. Turn on’s, turn off’s. A safeword is good to start with until you fully understand your subs limits. Your subs life is literally in your hands at times if your extreme. 

Then above all TRUST. 

Oh and FUN, after all the goal is great sex, it’s just D/s relationships take foreplay to the limit. Don’t take it to seriously, I’ve yet to meet a 24/7 Dom. If I ever do I doubt there FUN haha ;o) 

Photography by Toms Udris


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